Probably… So here’s an extra long post for you psychos. I’m not too sure if you can handle this, but hey, I’ll give it a shot.
Friday was the most interesting day of my college life, and I’m not even in college yet. I went to experience “college”, and by that I mean I partied my ass off and got totally shitfaced. Perfect college experience I’d say…NOT. One, I got lost. Go figure. No GPS (it broke), no smart phone (I’m poor, what do you want from me?), just good old fashion mapquest directions. No biggie, until you miss the biggest exit and end up going to a different state. Yep, different fucking state.. After my one-turned-to-three hour car ride I finally am at college and ready to party. Well, my friend has no party. I did not get lost in sketchville to not party.. Then he finds one. This bitch gets us lost by foot going to the party. So after walking in circles for an hour, and approximately five miles of that circle, we find the place. I enter to a smell of vomit and booze, typical. Two people are already piss drunk and one’s vomming everywhere. Gross. But hey, it’s college. I get appropriately wasted and start guessing people’s birth years. Surprisingly I got all of my guesses right without even meeting these people before. Guys, let’s face it, I’m just a pro. We’re there for a good four hours and everyone leaves. My hero Scott gets us back to the bus stop and I hug my hero. I’ll never see him again, but if by any random chance he sees this, here’s a little letter:
Dear Hero Scott,
I LOVE YOU. You brought me home to safety. I’m sorry I’m just a drunk whore, please forgive me. See you next friday.
..Back to the story.
My dear friend gets us back to his dorm and my two ladies pass out. Then my friend continues to drink alone. Bad plan. I told him to go to bed because we were all wasted fucks and need sleep. He wouldn’t listen. So I pass the fuck out on the floor like the classy lady I am and wake up an hour later to him vomming everywhere. Not fun. My ladies and I have no clue what to do. So we try our best to help him out, but that mother fucker was passed out like no other. So after we did our best college-nursing, we left. Mind you, this is 5 a.m. and we end up calling my best friend ever. This is also the second time I have awoken my darling from her beauty sleep to save my sorry ass (camping trip, if this gets reblogged enough I’ll share that.. TRAGIC) Now, of course I didn’t drive my car back home or I’m sure we would have been in multiple trees. My appropriately licensed lady drove us back, but we got lost again. OF-FUCKING-COURSE. After a two hour car ride we finally get to bestie’s house. I gracefully (LOLJK) let us into the house with my key, which all best friends should have, and we crash. Somehow I woke up perfectly fine another three hours later and was as good as ever.
On a serious note, my buddy called me when he woke up and he was totally okay. We were all seriously worried about him, but he’s all good and wants us back this friday.
So I go about my weekend, checking my facebook and shit. Commented on my friends status about mirror pictures (hate them), then, she messages me saying she saw me on the bus with my ladies, and my guy friend….Who is her ex.
She immediately tells me not to date him, which is totally okay. I understand the ex girlfriend feeling, been there done that. But she also told me the exact percentage of her running into him. Something like, .0000035 or a weird decimal. I don’t even know how she did that. It just threw me off a bit. She started ranting about their relationship and let me tell you, I was not ready for that. For some reason, people think I’m good at giving relationship advice. Not gonna brag but I’ll say I’m pretty decent. Honest, but decent. I never thought a conversation about mirror pictures could turn into a heart to heart, but the world is full of surprises.
Lesson of the decade: Know your limits, get the right directions, don’t wake up your best friend or she WILL murder the shit out of you, and don’t mess with the exes.. Ever.
Got any funny drunk/best friend/getting lost/psycho encounters/crazy weekend stories? Feel free to reply!